“How many people are going to keep trying to crowd the front rows?!” My teammate Josh Kunz shouts as yet another rider pushes by us to inch every little bit closer to the front row as we stand under the Kenda arch at the start of the NUE Big Frog 65 in Cleveland, Tennessee. We are waiting for the race to start which begins with a three mile gradual road climb, being in row 1 or 3 is not going to make a huge difference right? Thinking like that is probably why I’m “Bro not Pro” status; obviously this guy had the right mindset that a six foot head start will make or break your race I’ll just sit here and keep my mouth shut (My first victory of the day!)
About my victories let’s review my goals before the race starts:
#1. Ride and talk clean.
#2 Get into the woods with the second group, and recover in the single track, the first 20 miles is fast and flowy with limited places to cleanly pass, it reminded me of the first 20 miles in the Snake Gap Creek TT 50 miler where I got excited started passing people in the weeds and got a flat tire. Let’s not do that today it will lead to failure of goal #1.
#3 Pace myself, I’m racing my single speed, not by choice (Thanks FOX service!) the week prior was the first time I survived an XC race without completely falling apart, I’ve been training harder on the SS this year but still have a lot to learn about pacing.
#4 If I can actually finish the race try to do it in about 6 hours (a little under preferably).
#5 Do not come in after Josh Kunz and Bill Mickey! We forgot the #Skirtofshame at home so we made a side bet that last person in has to ride in the trunk of Adam Elser’s Kia to our celebration beers at Chattanooga Brewery (45 min away) thus the #trunkofshame is born and someone mentioned putting on lipstick too.
The race begins and the first thing I notice besides the usual everyone clipping in and bumping into each other is our “pro” friend from earlier has a support to the banner around his seat post, I think about how funny this should be when it pulls tight and his bike snaps back like a rubber band on him, I start to move out of the way awaiting the impending snap back...
About my victories let’s review my goals before the race starts:
#1. Ride and talk clean.
#2 Get into the woods with the second group, and recover in the single track, the first 20 miles is fast and flowy with limited places to cleanly pass, it reminded me of the first 20 miles in the Snake Gap Creek TT 50 miler where I got excited started passing people in the weeds and got a flat tire. Let’s not do that today it will lead to failure of goal #1.
#3 Pace myself, I’m racing my single speed, not by choice (Thanks FOX service!) the week prior was the first time I survived an XC race without completely falling apart, I’ve been training harder on the SS this year but still have a lot to learn about pacing.
#4 If I can actually finish the race try to do it in about 6 hours (a little under preferably).
#5 Do not come in after Josh Kunz and Bill Mickey! We forgot the #Skirtofshame at home so we made a side bet that last person in has to ride in the trunk of Adam Elser’s Kia to our celebration beers at Chattanooga Brewery (45 min away) thus the #trunkofshame is born and someone mentioned putting on lipstick too.
The race begins and the first thing I notice besides the usual everyone clipping in and bumping into each other is our “pro” friend from earlier has a support to the banner around his seat post, I think about how funny this should be when it pulls tight and his bike snaps back like a rubber band on him, I start to move out of the way awaiting the impending snap back...
ooooo hear it comes!
...but his pro level of watts is too great (or the support was only hooked to a five gallon water jug) and the Kenda arch gets dragged down right on top of Josh and I. It was like being in a bounce house on my mtb with about two hundred people looking to cram into the party. We quickly lift the banner up and slide under it unharmed so I guess the race can now start, surprisingly I just laugh to myself, no profanity yet and still winning goal #1.
As with most of the climbing for Big Frog the start is gradual enough to make you work but not enough where I have to stand and start putting power down it makes me think I picked the right gearing out of the hat (32 Absolute Black oval x 18) for the race. I’ve been on the Absolute Black oval for a couple weeks and it seems to really excel on gradual climbs and letting me stay seated longer trust me once you go oval you won’t go back! I pass a couple single speeders I saw on my warm up yesterday (one of which told me I was going to have a hard day in my gearing) and latch onto any geared riders wheel that I can find to help pull me up the hill. I pass Bill Mickey and Ben Michaels (two other Ohio SS’rs) and tell them to jump on (don’t know if they did or not) but I found myself close to the front of the second group and I see my teammate, Josh Kunz a little further ahead in no man’s land between the first and second group. I expect this is the last time I’ll see Josh and we duck into the single track with ten riders between us. I find myself behind one geared rider that I was assumed with his line choice and shifting patterns was familiar with the trail and we were moving at a good clip so I sit in behind him and tell myself to relax. I could have passed him a couple times but I knew if I had open trail in front of me I would start going too fast I wasn’t in it to win it. I was in it to just survive the day. The train of riders built up behind us and it seemed like everyone was content with the pace because no one was talking or trying to pass from what I could hear. I waited toward the end of the single track at Boyd’s gap where there actually some decent climbing before I made my pass. I figured the whole train would join me and I knew I needed a head start for one of the few technical descents on the trail so I didn’t get ran over by a bunch of geared guys with plenty of suspension. Only one rider joined me and it was Bill Mickey, we got a good run and surprisingly no one caught us on the short descent until we hit the road and a coupled geared guys pedaled by us.
Bill and I duck onto Old Copper which is flat double track with some occasional rocks and roots, we talk about #trunkofshame bet aside, if we can stick together we’ll try to make up some time on the roads and work together.
We cross an awesome bridge that goes over the Ocoee River and go back onto some steep single track. On the pre-ride we went up what we thought was most of the climb maybe a ¼ mile, Vanessa Marts who was with us said “it wasn’t much further than there was a switchback and then double track” well the ¼ mile was actually a mile of steep climbing, now I was regretting my gear choice and Bill was breathing down my neck so I let him by. I continued to mash at my own pace and try to conserve energy, even if it meant getting stuck in the trunk with ruby red lipstick on I wanted to finish the race! Bill pounded away from me and I just kept telling myself I wasn’t going to get off and walk in the first half of this race and at least I was passing geared guys which was a confidence boost to think about how slow I’d be climbing if I had my fancy geared bike with me!
We finally arrive to the first aid station which I ride by and now enter the gravel grinder part of the race, as much as I hate descending on gravel it was a nice break from the beating I just got from the never ending single track climb. The gravel was pretty mellow compared to some of the stuff I’ve been riding in Mohican country, I just kept telling myself to control my pace I had no idea what was coming ahead of me. Passed aid station two and I roll into aid three I was stoked to see Bill Mickey bumbling with a drop bag loaded to the gills and behind him the flowing red beard of Josh Kunz. I roll in and Josh asks me how I’m doing which I lie and say “I’m getting my second wind” and he promptly takes off. I grab my bag load up my camelbak and leave the aid station before Mickey and after Josh like Cole Trickle trying to hit the pace car.
Bill and I duck onto Old Copper which is flat double track with some occasional rocks and roots, we talk about #trunkofshame bet aside, if we can stick together we’ll try to make up some time on the roads and work together.
We cross an awesome bridge that goes over the Ocoee River and go back onto some steep single track. On the pre-ride we went up what we thought was most of the climb maybe a ¼ mile, Vanessa Marts who was with us said “it wasn’t much further than there was a switchback and then double track” well the ¼ mile was actually a mile of steep climbing, now I was regretting my gear choice and Bill was breathing down my neck so I let him by. I continued to mash at my own pace and try to conserve energy, even if it meant getting stuck in the trunk with ruby red lipstick on I wanted to finish the race! Bill pounded away from me and I just kept telling myself I wasn’t going to get off and walk in the first half of this race and at least I was passing geared guys which was a confidence boost to think about how slow I’d be climbing if I had my fancy geared bike with me!
We finally arrive to the first aid station which I ride by and now enter the gravel grinder part of the race, as much as I hate descending on gravel it was a nice break from the beating I just got from the never ending single track climb. The gravel was pretty mellow compared to some of the stuff I’ve been riding in Mohican country, I just kept telling myself to control my pace I had no idea what was coming ahead of me. Passed aid station two and I roll into aid three I was stoked to see Bill Mickey bumbling with a drop bag loaded to the gills and behind him the flowing red beard of Josh Kunz. I roll in and Josh asks me how I’m doing which I lie and say “I’m getting my second wind” and he promptly takes off. I grab my bag load up my camelbak and leave the aid station before Mickey and after Josh like Cole Trickle trying to hit the pace car.
I must break you..... wait wrong movie
My trunk of shame lead was short lived as Bill caught up to me at the start of the next climb I do try to be sportsmanly and tell him I’ll be in the trunk, he tells me that he is cramping bad and hurting….then he drops me on the hill, if I could have caught him and ran him over I would have. I catch up to Josh on the same climb and he told me that Ben Michaels came through the aid station right before me and is just ahead..I get confused because I don’t remember him passing me and ask if he is sure, which he was (Josh was correct except getting it backwards I was already at the aid station and Ben passed me. Props to Ben for rolling the whole course without stopping for a refill once!) I knew Ben has to be a better gravel rider than me so the odds of me seeing him again was slim and all I had to worry about was not going in the trunk and I have both of my competitors in sight so that was my focus. When the hill turned down I tried to stay on Josh’s wheel…I failed miserably and he fell out of sight. Next aid station comes up and there is Mickey filling up a water bottle. That pattern continued for the remainder of the gravel portion of the race get to a big hill “cramping” Bill would pass me, I’d eventually catch Josh, Josh would drop me on the descent, we’d both pass Bill when he stopped at an aid station, come to a climb Bill passes…rinse repeat over and over again for the next 25 miles of gravel with a little bit cramping some mustard consumption and one guy that was so delirious he was literally rambling to me as I went by.
Josh and I approach the last aid station together only to see Bill in his usual aid station pose we enter the single track together and Bill quickly jumps in behind us ten miles of singletrack to go and all the trunkofshame combatants are wheel to wheel. Josh is nursing every gear that he has and Bill and I pass, I thought the climbing was over but now it is short punchy climbs and I know one of them is going to uppercut my hamstrings for immediate cramping and I’ll be on the side of the trail crying in my pink jersey and my pink handup gloves as I was expecting to happen. I get a lead on Bill and Josh and one of the punchy climbs I gave in and started walking…followed by a loud expletive that Bill heard (Failed at Goal #1). I could see Bill chasing down my sailor mouth and as soon as the climb was over got on my bike and tried my best to keep spinning while going downhill on a rigid bike.
I’m a horrible descender and it’s no secret, doing it on a rigid bike while trying to pedal to fight cramps probably looked like a flailing monkey in tight pink lycra or maybe it helped, I drop out of quartz trail and nobody is in sight, Adam Elser warmed me if I was going to get lost this would be the place and certainly Bill would have yelled if I made a wrong turn right? I stopped at slow rolled the double track looking back for the now deceivingly difficult to see FMBR jersey through the trees…nothing, great I made a wrong turn going to end up in the trunk with ruby red lipstick. I keep slow rolling and I see a couple guys I recognize that were helping with the race “I’m going the right way?!” I ask they confirmed I was ok and I pedaled as fast as my soon to be cramping legs would take me.
Onto Chestnut which had a lot more punchier climbing than I would have cared for, then the Thunder Rock Express…which for all the warning I had about the trail I didn’t think was so bad, maybe I was too tired to care about it I just was waiting for Josh and his full suspension bike to jump over me but it never happened. Get to the bottom of the trail and I hear red beard yelling at me he catches up to me on the flat I try to draft him for a while for a free ride to the finish but can’t do it and tell him to take the win for the #trunkofshame he sits up and says we’ll ride in together and that I’ve earned the win…single speed and all, (for those not in the know Josh races with me as an expert SS in Ohio he chose not to bring the single speed and was ridiculed ALL weekend for it…I don’t care too much, if I had my geared full suspension couch I’d been on it too) so we cruised to the finish line.
Josh and I approach the last aid station together only to see Bill in his usual aid station pose we enter the single track together and Bill quickly jumps in behind us ten miles of singletrack to go and all the trunkofshame combatants are wheel to wheel. Josh is nursing every gear that he has and Bill and I pass, I thought the climbing was over but now it is short punchy climbs and I know one of them is going to uppercut my hamstrings for immediate cramping and I’ll be on the side of the trail crying in my pink jersey and my pink handup gloves as I was expecting to happen. I get a lead on Bill and Josh and one of the punchy climbs I gave in and started walking…followed by a loud expletive that Bill heard (Failed at Goal #1). I could see Bill chasing down my sailor mouth and as soon as the climb was over got on my bike and tried my best to keep spinning while going downhill on a rigid bike.
I’m a horrible descender and it’s no secret, doing it on a rigid bike while trying to pedal to fight cramps probably looked like a flailing monkey in tight pink lycra or maybe it helped, I drop out of quartz trail and nobody is in sight, Adam Elser warmed me if I was going to get lost this would be the place and certainly Bill would have yelled if I made a wrong turn right? I stopped at slow rolled the double track looking back for the now deceivingly difficult to see FMBR jersey through the trees…nothing, great I made a wrong turn going to end up in the trunk with ruby red lipstick. I keep slow rolling and I see a couple guys I recognize that were helping with the race “I’m going the right way?!” I ask they confirmed I was ok and I pedaled as fast as my soon to be cramping legs would take me.
Onto Chestnut which had a lot more punchier climbing than I would have cared for, then the Thunder Rock Express…which for all the warning I had about the trail I didn’t think was so bad, maybe I was too tired to care about it I just was waiting for Josh and his full suspension bike to jump over me but it never happened. Get to the bottom of the trail and I hear red beard yelling at me he catches up to me on the flat I try to draft him for a while for a free ride to the finish but can’t do it and tell him to take the win for the #trunkofshame he sits up and says we’ll ride in together and that I’ve earned the win…single speed and all, (for those not in the know Josh races with me as an expert SS in Ohio he chose not to bring the single speed and was ridiculed ALL weekend for it…I don’t care too much, if I had my geared full suspension couch I’d been on it too) so we cruised to the finish line.
Bro's before Hoe's...or finish lines (Photo caption courtesy of Amie Jones and tequilla)
So there we are teammates who did not pull any punches on each other for the last five hours geared full suspension vs. rigid single speed cruising in side by side pretty cool huh? We roll through the parking lot and I am relieved to see the Kenda arch is removed at least I do not have to worry about that falling on me now. I sit up and take my hands off my bars cruising across the finish line, imagine it….go ahead I’ll wait. You beat your goal time by 25 minutes, you aren’t going to get stuffed in a trunk all you have to do is roll across pavement. You are filled with victory!
A volunteer starts yelling at us "TURN RIGHT!!"
What?! My face looked like this….
A volunteer starts yelling at us "TURN RIGHT!!"
What?! My face looked like this….
This isn't the finish?
To my surprise the official finish is across the Ocoee river you turn onto a bridge then cross the line, Josh who kept his hands on his bars quickly turns right..I don’t, so I T bone him and fall to the ground in front of everybody. Must be an Indian burial mound on this spot in the parking lot…..5 ½ hours ago the start line fell on me, now I’m lying on the ground from running into my teammate. I quickly get back on my bike, my calf so cramped I can’t put my heel flat and hobble across the finish line at 5:33, I had a lot of victories today realistically I just laugh to myself what a way to end a race. Hitting 4 outta 5 goals ain’t bad a solid 80%, B- if you will I took that grade in High School and I don’t have to ride in the trunk ! Now the big question to I “race” my single speed for the Mohican 100k, I guess that depends if my squishy comfy bike is repaired by then.
Bill in the trunk.....lost by 4 minutes....that's what you get for stopping at EVERY aid station! (at least we didn't make you wear the lipstick)
Thank's Adam Elser for the hospitatility and use of the now named "spooning room"
Beware of the Brotergeist that haunts many Chattanooga breweries
Super thanks to Adam Elser for taking us into his humble abode and Trailhead Outdoors Bike Shop in Cleveland Tennessee for putting on a great race and spending over an hour dialing in Josh and my bike..lesson learned never go Chunky ESI when you can go EXTRA CHUNKY ESI!!!!
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